WHAT DO CHILDREN UNDERSTAND ABOUT EMOTIONS?
What Does a 5-year-old and a Scotchbrite Have in Common?
Answer: they are both sponges! Bad puns aside, most parents have witnessed their unwilling contribution to the expansion of a child’s “adult vocabulary” or have seen their older child care for a younger sibling by reaching the box of cereal on the top shelf. Hopefully, children absorb the majority of their parent’s good traits and leave the less desirable ones to wither and fade, but the fact remains: children are indeed like sponges. From a baby mimicking its mother’s facial expressions to an 11-year-old developing their own sense of style by copying their best friend’s ideas of what’s “cool,” children are constantly being bombarded with information, opinions and beliefs. During the first year of life, a child’s brain size increases substantially reaching 73% of the adult size brain (Gilmore et al, 2007).
EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT: A BRIEF OVERVIEW
The amount of research available about child development--emotional, social, and physical--could fill a library with information, and in fact, does! In this lesson, a basic overview of the emotional development of children in relation to empathy will be given because it is important to have an understanding of what to reasonably expect from children at any given stage of their lives. The quality of the relationship between a parent and child can negatively or positively impact the child’s social development (Ruckstaetter, Sells, Newmeyer & Zink, 2017).
QUESTION:
Are emotional skills as important to learn as any other aptitude parents teach their children?
To gain a little more insight into the complex world of emotions, watch the following video. As you watch, contemplate the important role emotions play in relationships and within society.
Categorizing and understanding emotions can often prove to be difficult for adults--imagine what children go through as they learn not only to identify and understand the emotions of people around them, but to understand, identify and attempt to control their own emotions.
We learned from the video that children can experience emotions without understanding them or why they’re having them. Remember the block experiment from the video and how children felt pride in “winning” the contest. Children younger than four identified pride in others, but not in themselves. They experienced pride, even though they didn’t completely understand it, which makes teaching children how to navigate complex concepts even more important for parents.
Rather than providing a crash course in child development, we are going to focus on the aspects of development that relate directly to emotions and empathy. We will briefly cover infants and toddlers as well, in order to help you understand how important the early years are on a child’s emotional health.
STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT
BABIES CAN BE SO CLINGY--IT’S A GOOD THING! (0 TO 2 YRS)
At an early age children begin to experience emotions. Studies have shown that experiences children have in their youth impact their future relationships (Hintsanen et al, 2019) and the type of attachment to their parent a child has during their first year, will impact them throughout their life (Ackerman, 2018). No pressure. Parents are only responsible for raising a healthy, well-adjusted, self-aware tiny human-- piece of cake, right?
As we walk through the various stages of emotional development, you will gain a clearer insight into your child’s emotions. Attachment is an important aspect of emotional development for children zero to two-years-old. A healthy attachment to their caregiver gives a child the security to explore their surroundings and lays the groundwork for developing healthy social interactions . John Bowlby studied infants and the separation they experienced when removed from their caregiver. Bowlby noted three types of attachment: Secure Attachment, Anxious-resistant Attachment and Avoidant Attachment. Another form of attachment was later added by Mary Ainsworth called Disorganized-disoriented Attachment (Ackerman, 2018).
ATTACHMENT STYLES
Watch the following video and think carefully about your attachment style and the attachment style(s) of your child/children. There is a lot of great information in this video! Don’t miss out!
After watching the video, answer the following questions:
What is my attachment style? Do I see a connection from my childhood to adulthood?
What is the attachment style of my children?
How can the expression of emotion lead to a healthy attachment between me and my child?
EMOTIONAL MILESTONES (0 TO 2 YRS)
Emotional milestones to be aware of during this age (Lerner & Parlakian, 2016):
Attachment: Creating loving, healthy relationships and attachments are vital (birth to approx 24 months).
Social Referencing: Children look to trusted adults to gauge the safety of a situation in order to better understand their surroundings (approx 6 months).
Sense of Self & Others: Toddlers begin to realize others have thoughts, feelings, etc. similar to themselves, however, they begin to learn other’s ideas may not be the same as their own (18 to 24 months).
Separate Person: They begin recognizing themselves in a mirror and understand they are a separate person (18 to 24 months).
STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT
Becoming More Independent: A Curse & A Blessing (3 to 5 yrs)
"I WANT TO DO IT MYSELF!"
The time has come that parents have simultaneously hoped for and dreaded. Their child is becoming increasingly independent. Hallelujah! Are those cheers of applause from their past self who wondered if the day would ever come when they could have just two minutes alone while their child dressed themselves? The day is here and now parents may be asking themselves if they will ever love their child again! Mornings may be fraught with arguments about what to wear and brushing teeth. However, 4-year-olds have other plans and want to dress themselves and brush their own teeth, which would be fine, if it didn’t take them an hour to finish. They want to do everything themselves, and it’s a curse and a blessing!
BABY STEPS TO UNDERSTANDING
The preschooler stage is a great age for emotions! “Preschooler Emotional Development,” (2016) states that children this age are experiencing emotions, often with high intensity, and may even understand many of the emotions they are experiencing, but have difficulty controlling them. Children at this age are better able to express themselves verbally which makes understanding how they are feeling (a little) easier. Impulse control and outbursts may still be a factor at this point due to the lack of understanding of what is acceptable and what is not (“Preschooler Emotional Development,” 2016).
EMOTIONAL MILESTONES (3 TO 5 YRS)
Emotional milestones to be aware of during this age (“Preschooler Emotional Development,” 2016):
Impulsive: They have a difficult time understanding delayed gratification (3 yrs).
Connections: They begin to see the connection between their actions and resulting consequences (4 yrs).
Empathy: They have a better understanding of others feelings and can begin to relate.
Regulating: They begin to control their impulses (5 yrs).
STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT
Peers Become Important (6 to 11 yrs)
"YOU'RE SO EMBARRASSING!"
Middle childhood is a time when people outside the family unit and peer groups begin to take center stage in children’s lives. The importance of parent’s opinions suddenly begin to diminish. It begins in first grade with, “But Ms. Crabtree doesn’t do it like that!” Then eventually ends with, “But, Marlow’s mom doesn’t dance in the car at a stoplight. You’re so embarrassing!” Like every stage of child development, there is good news. According to the CDC children at this age experience many positive changes, such as, beginning to better understand their place in society, and growing increasingly independent (“Middle Childhood,” 2018).
EMOTIONAL MILESTONES (6 TO 11 YRS)
Emotional milestones to be aware of during this age (“Middle Childhood,” 2018):
Peer Importance: They want to be accepted by their friends.
Future: They begin to think about the future.
Others: They have a stronger grasp on others point of view.
STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT
Terrible Teens? (12 to 18 yrs)
STILL DEVELOPING
Teen years have been described as the “Terrible Teens” due to the fact that children this age often have a desire to re-establish their independence--similar to the way they did during their “Terrible Twos” phase. Not only are children experiencing major physical changes, but they are also experiencing changes in their social/emotional development as well.
The CDC suggested that during this stage teens become more focused on their physical appearance which can result in a lack of confidence. They also experience moodiness and increased stress (Young Teens, 2018). We learned in the previous video, “When Do Emotions Develop” due to the underdevelopment of the prefrontal cortex, teens lack the ability to regulate their emotions.
EMOTIONAL MILESTONES (12 TO 18 YRS)
Emotional milestones to be aware of during this age (“Young Teens”, 2018):
Complex: They have more complex thoughts.
Moral Compass: They have a more developed sense of right vs. wrong.
Deep Thoughts: They are able to express their opinions and give reasons for their choices.
LET'S SUM IT UP!
Childhood and teen years last a short time compared to the average human life-span, yet they are so important! They are considered the formative years--a time that will impact a child’s future happiness, stability and success. These years are precious and few. Use the information gained in this lesson to recognize that children are continually developing. As we progress onto the next lesson we will learn the importance of our role as caregivers to the children in our lives and gain the confidence to step forward and create positive change.
WEEKLY CHALLENGE & COMMITMENT
This week’s challenge is to praise your child (or someone else who deserves it!) for just being them! Here are some ideas of positive praise that go beyond the common “Great job!” phrase. You can DO it!!
* I could tell you worked really hard on that!
* Way to stick with it!
* I’m so impressed with the way you persevered!
* Thank you for listening/putting your shoes on/putting your phone down when I asked!
COMMITMENT
This week is about gathering information about yourself and your children and using that information in a reflective way. The suggestions below will assist you in accomplishing this while keeping the things you’ve learned in this lesson fresh on your mind. Commit to doing just one or ALL of them!
OPTION ONE: CRASH COURSE
Watch this short video to learn more about the social-emotional development of your child. Keep in mind the following questions as you watch the video:
Why is social-emotional development important?
What is my role in that development?
Can I make any changes to help my child improve their development?
Watch video here.
OPTION TWO: STALK YOUR CHILD
Make it a point to observe your child/children this week and identify where they are in their emotional development.
For example:
What attachment style does your child have?
Are they becoming increasingly independent in their choices?
Are they more focused on their friends instead of family?
Use this information to help you interact with them this week and “dig” deeper into their emotional development (wearing a trench coat and sunglasses is completely optional).
KIDS CORNER
It’s important for children to be active participants in their own learning! Take a moment to sit with your child and talk to them about what you’ve learned. Use the resources below to help get them engaged!
OPTION 1: SESAME STREET
For younger children, watch this Sesame Street video together. Afterward, ask them to tell you what kind of emotions they may have experienced at school or home this week!
OPTION TWO: THE THOUGHTS OF A 12-YEAR-OLD
This video focuses on 12-year-olds, but covers a lot of topics that several age groups can relate to. After watching the video ask your child if they could relate to anything that was said in the video. Why or why not?
Watch video here
OPTION THREE: OLDER KIDS--HOW IT ALL FITS TOGETHER
The following video can be useful for children eight to adult. This is a great introduction to how emotions work and why we have them. After watching the video together, ask your child if they could relate to anything in the video. Use the video as a starting point for speaking about their emotions.
Watch video here.
LESSON 2 REFERENCES
If you're interested in seeing a list of references for our lesson, please visit this page.