EMPATHY IN A WORLD OF TECHNOLOGY
In this lesson, we will take a closer look at how technology affects our children’s emotional development and social interactions. Below, we’ve listed several questions to keep in mind as you navigate your way through the lesson. As you ponder these questions keep in mind that technology is an incredibly integrated part of our society and it’s a parent’s responsibility to help their child learn how to positively interact with it.
How often do I use technology? How often does my child/children?
Do I give my child technology so that I can get a break? How often do I use technology as a substitute for playing with and engaging with my child?
Does my child’s use of technology improve or impede their relationship with others?
Does my child envy or judge others through social media? Do they share things that are self-centered or uplifting?
Does my child use social media to escape reality or to interact with others?
Do I know what my child views online?
Does my child say things online that they would not say in person?
How can I help my child use empathy when they are online?
RESEARCH ON TECHNOLOGY USE
How many times have you used an electronic device today? Do you check your email regularly, get notifications on your phone, use text messaging, receive calls or voicemails, use Google maps, or a search engine? With today’s advancements in technology, there is no denying that the enmeshment of virtual communication and social media is revolutionizing our daily experiences. According to an online survey done in 2015, 92% of American teens used the internet on a daily basis, 56% claimed to get on several times a day, and 24% reported to be constantly connected to the internet (U.S. teen internet usage frequency, 2015). Most popular with teenagers are social media sites such as Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube. As of 2018, Facebook reached a total of 2 billion active monthly users (Facebook users worldwide, 2018).
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR EMPATHY?
We have always worried about how technology will impact future generations. You may have heard that in the ’60s and ’70s many parents were concerned about how excessive television viewing would negatively affect their children--those were the days! Parents today beg their children to get off their phones and watch tv to take a break from social media! Times have changed. Parents often fear judgments of others for giving their young children tablets or for putting their children in front of the TV screen to watch Netflix. We may also question whether our children spend too much time playing video games or watching videos online, or worry about our teenagers who seem to be glued to their phones. Does technology connect people, or is it undermining beneficial social connections?
ISOLATE OR CONNECT?
Some have argued that “social media and other modern technologies isolate people rather than connect them,” and that “as they interact through screens, they may lose the ability to relate to others in person” (Twenge, 2013, p. 12). This may be because many young people today only know a world dominated by self-image and self-interests. Instead of encountering other people, they tend to encounter more of themselves, looking for people with similar interests, and fixing and tweaking their own image. They ask other users not only to “Look at me. Want me. Love me,” but to, “Buy me,” by making them an official “Friend." These types of interactions increase a youth’s reliance on their peer group’s values and lessen their ability to look at others, and create meaningful relationships, through empathy (Manney, 2008, p. 5).
THINK ABOUT THIS
What kinds of friends are my child making through social media?
What is important to my child?
What message is social media sending my child about the way they should look or act?
What does social media teach my child about their worth and the worth of others?
Is my child more or less likely to treat others with respect because of their social media interactions.
Is my child so used to looking down at their smartphone or tablet, that they cannot look up at the people around them?
OPPORTUNITIES TO EMPATHIZE
A positive view is that social media sites can encourage empathy by allowing youth to connect with and understand people who live thousands of miles away, or who experience vastly different things than they do. Sites like Facebook can allow those who are timid to express empathetic feelings that they would normally shy away from in personal interactions. In many cases, it was found that “time spent on online activities was related to prosocial behavior, such as saying nice things, offering help, cheering someone up, and letting them know someone cares about them” (Alloway, Qureshi, & Kemp, 2014, p. 151).
As you watch these videos, think about how these stories are able to provide an opportunity to empathize with people you wouldn’t have otherwise encountered in real life.
After seeing the videos, ponder the following questions:
Do you feel connected to the people in the stories? In what way?
Are you inspired to help them and others around you?
What was your reaction after seeing their faces and hearing their words?
Are you more aware of people outside of your personal life?
Did you respond with empathy?
A POSITIVE EXPERIENCE
One thing we can do as parents is to sit down and talk to our children about the effects--negative and positive--of social media and technology use. The acronym "PROOF" will help you remember the key points to touch on during that conversation with your child.
P is for positive: Encourage children to use social media to spread positive and uplifting messages.
R is for real-person: Remind them that real people exist behind the persona that individuals create online.
O is for organization: Encourage them to follow a local charity or non-profit organization.
O is for other parts of the world: Encourage them to read books or watch documentaries about people in other parts of the country and world. This can spark dialogue about what people were experiencing or feeling- this is a great empathy-building exercise because it is entertaining and enjoyable.
F is for face-to-face: Explain that online interactions should be the same as in-person interactions.
POSITIVE & NEGATIVE REINFORCEMENT
It’s important for our children, and people in general, to understand the powerful influence we can have on people around us. In regard to social media, we now have potential influence not only in our immediate communities but in the world. Watch the following video clip about the power of positivity from peers and conversely, the impact negativity can have on others.
Watch video here.
After watching the video ask yourself the following questions:
How much effect did positive reinforcement have on the players?
Why do you think it helped them do better?
How can my communication through social media affect people throughout their day?
How can technology create a sense of community like the onlookers in the video did?
How can we spread positivity to others through social media beyond just commenting on their picture or post?
How can we tune out the negativity that exists online, or “negative feedback?”
DON'T UNDERESTIMATE YOUR INFLUENCE
It is also important to be a parent mentor. Get to know what your child is interested in, and how they like to spend their time online. If you think they are spending too much time online, or you are concerned about what they are using technology for, remember to be respectful and loving in your conversation with them. Marriage and family therapist Sinead Smyth suggests that parents use a soft start-up like, “I’m concerned about your screen time. When can we have a conversation about it?” instead of “You always have your phone out at dinner.” She also suggests that you “avoid ridiculing or minimizing their viewpoint” (Smyth, 2017, p. 1).
According to Smyth, if we remember to listen with our child and include them in decision making and rule setting, rather than trying to control them, we are more likely to have a child with healthy time management and who knows how to use technology responsibly. Conversely, if we are constantly nit-picking, criticizing or trying to control our children’s use of social media, they are more likely to watch things behind our back, in an effort to exhort control over their lives and make their own decisions. Not only that, but they are also more likely to watch things that you would not like them too, or which they think are wrong for much the same reason. In addition, they are less likely to want to talk to you about their social media use and interests with you, or come to you with questions or concerns.
Don't underestimate your influence. You are the closest and most reliable person in your child’s life. Help them to make healthy choices, not just through teaching them about technology, but by creating a healthy environment surrounding technology, having open and understanding communication, and putting your relationship with them at the forefront of your parenting.
HEALTHY TECHNOLOGY USE WITH KIDS
Watch the following video from one of the course creators. Gain some insight about how to get your child to use technology in a responsible way!
EMPATHETIC MOVIES, TV SHOWS, WEBSITES, AND CHILDREN’S STORIES
(alternatives to technology)
Below we have listed some great resources where you can find Movies, TV Shows and Children’s Stories that inspire and teach about empathy.
CHILDREN'S BOOKS
TinyBop.com has a great list of books for children that encourage empathy and kindness.
Access the website here.
MOVIES
Understood.org has a list called "12 Movies to Help Kids Learn Empathy". Check out their website for some great movie ideas.
Access the link here.
Mydomain.com has a list called "16 Movies for Kids That Teach Empathy and Encourage Kindness."
Check out their website for some great movie ideas.
Access the link here.
KID'S SHOWS
Common Sense Media has some great resources and lists to help you find shows to watch as a family that encourage empathy.
Check out their website here.
WEEKLY CHALLENGE & COMMITMENT
The challenge this week is to designate one day as “Technology Free”! If you find value in this idea, make it a weekly habit!
COMMITMENT
This week is about taking an active role in your child’s internet usage. The suggestions below will assist you in accomplishing this while keeping the things you’ve learned in this lesson fresh on your mind. Commit to doing just one or ALL of them!
OPTION ONE: YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH TECHNOLOGY
Take some times to consider how your use of technology is inhibiting the way you empathize and interact with others.
Is it taking your time away from your children?
Is it effective the way you look at yourself?
Do you spend more time worrying about how you look to others than you do reaching out to others?
Is your use of Social Media taking the place of your face-to-face interactions, or is it enhancing them?
Do you find yourself leaving the home less often when you are on social media? Are you a good example to your child about using social media responsibly?
Set a personal goal for yourself to follow for the next week.
OPTION TWO: YOUR CHILD'S SOCIAL MEDIA
Make it a point to observe your child/children this week and identify when and how they like to use technology. Get to know their interests. Ask them who and what they like to follow and why. Make sure that you don't come off as judgemental and controlling. Find ways to connect with your child through their interests. For example, if your child is interested in slime-making videos, you might offer to make one of the crafts with them or to try out other YouTube DIY tutorials. If your child is into a certain type of music or sport, you could buy tickets and go with them, or listen to their favorite type of music in the car with them.
KIDS CORNER
It’s important for children to be active participants in their own learning! Take a moment to sit with your child and talk to them about what you’ve learned. Use the resources below to help get them engaged!
OPTION ONE:
Family Entertainment
Choose a book, show, or movie from the list given previously in the lesson. You can find much more online. Consider reading or watching any of these with your child, and then talk about it with them afterward.
For example, after watching Beauty and the Beast with your child, you might ask your child how the beast might have felt because of the way people reacted to him, or how Belle felt when she saw her father in the dungeon.
OPTION TWO:
Plan Together
Take some time to talk to your child about what you learned in this lesson. Sit down with them and together, plan to be meaningful about their technology use. Talk about how long, how often and what type of technology use would be appropriate to participate in each day. Keep them accountable by periodically talking to them about their progress throughout the week. If your child/children are too young to plan with you, consider why and when you allow your toddler to use technology (at the store, while you cook etc.) and plan to spend more time with them instead or think of other fun activities that can keep them entertained.
Visit the following websites to print out a Media Use Contract or to get more information about how to keep your family tech-smart.
Printable Contract from SafeKids.com: Contract
MediaTechParenting.net is a website for Tech-Savvy Families: Website
LESSON 5 REFERENCES
If you're interested in seeing a list of references for our lesson, please visit this page