Don't Be A He-Man/Woman
- LaeniAnn
- May 26, 2020
- 2 min read
The Power
“I have the POWER!” For He-Man having all the power was a good thing because he used it to fight the evil Skeletor, but *hopefully* you are not fighting this type of evil in your relationship. Spoiler alert: having “all the power” in a real-life, is not such a good thing.
Perhaps it’s human nature to desire control and power over our lives and relationships. To a certain degree, who doesn’t want to know what to expect from our significant other on a daily basis? Perhaps you are the type of person that enjoys calling the shots and orchestrating family rules and activities. There’s nothing wrong with that desire…as long as you remember to include your partner!
A Better Way
In his talk titled, “Who is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families” Richard B. Miller, PhD lists 5 key points to assist married couples on how to find a balance of power within their relationship.
Check out the list and see how you and your partner are doing in regard to where the power is in your family.
1. Parents are the leaders in the family. Setting limits and expectations for your children helps create a conducive environment for raising well-adjusted kids. It’s OK to tell your children “no” once in a while!
2. Parents must be united in their leadership. If there is a disagreement between parents, it should be discussed away from the children and a mutually satisfying decision should be reached. Children will learn they can’t manipulate their parents to get what they want.
3. The parent-child hierarchy dissolves when children become adults. When children become adults it’s a normal and healthy transition for parents to take a step back and allow their kids the freedom to exercise their agency.
4. The marital relationship should be a partnership. Happy marriages develop in an environment where the husband and wife are equals. Their roles may be different, but their input and contributions are equally important.
5. What is the power relationship in your marriage? Power occurs when one partner has both of these components:: 1) tends to dominate and 2) always gets their way.
Keeping the above mentioned ideas in mind will assist married couples in creating a mutually satisfying partnership and a healthy environment for children. If left unchecked, a power struggle may result in irreparable damage to a relationship or even divorce.
In my personal experience, when a spouse desires power over their partner, it creates an imbalance in the relationship which results in a parent/child dynamic, and who wants to be married to a mother/father figure? Often, an imbalance of power can sometimes result in abuse--physical and/or emotional. No one wants that in a marriage. Feeling powerless in one of the most important relationships in your life can lead to depression and feeds the dysfunction cycle. Humility is key.
If we approach our relationships with humility and charity, our relationships and friendships will thrive and grow stronger and the struggle for power will disappear.
References
Richard B. Miller, PhD: "Who is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families" This address was given at the BYU Conference on Family Life, March 28, 2008.
He-Man picture retrieved from:
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