Three Things That Might Be Putting Your Relationship At Risk
- LaeniAnn
- Nov 23, 2019
- 3 min read
Updated: Nov 26, 2019
Contract Vs. Covenant
In the article, “Covenant Marriage” Bruce C. Hafen discusses the differences between a covenant marriage and a contract marriage. In a contract marriage, he explains that the individuals are in it as long as they are getting what they want out of the relationship. For the purposes of Hafen's article, the definitions of contract and covenant revolve around commitment level. Similar to renters (contract marriages) vs. homeowners (covenant marriages), their investments into the home may be slightly different.
If bed bugs were to come along and infest the home, for example, renters may look at the situation and the loss of their personal belongings and feel it's not worth it to stay in the home. Perhaps they decide to "cut their losses" and leave. They may even feel it's someone else's responsibility to fix it, thinking, "I didn't sign up for this!" And, well, let's be honest--bed bugs are the worst and who would blame them?
The actual home owners wouldn’t ignore it, or worse, burn the entire house to the ground (hopefully). The homeowners would put in the time and energy required to take care of the problem, understanding that addressing the issue will protect the time and energy they've already put into their home. I truly believe that any time invested in trying to save a marriage is NOT time “wasted”.
Which brings us to an interesting point...
Deal Breakers
When is it ok to say, "Enough is enough!" In my own personal opinion, there are deal breakers in a marriage. My deal breakers may be different from your deal breakers, which makes it difficult for me to make any sort of blanket statement as to what is an “acceptable” reason to end a marriage or try and save it. I believe this is a deeply personal decision and worthy of contemplation.
The "Wolves" on Marriage Street
I think of a marriage relationship as a living entity that requires maintenance in order to thrive. It is a commitment worthy of our time, energy and protection. Marriage is wonderful—until it isn’t!
Trials will inevitably come. Understanding that and preparing for it can improve our overall success. Hafen suggests we watch out for the following “wolves” or dangers that could damage and weaken our relationships:
1. Natural Adversity:
Stuff happens. Know it. Expect it. Love it! Remember you and your partner are on the same “team”. Tackle the issue together and come out the other side stronger.
2. Our Own Imperfections:
So, none of us are perfect (surprise!). We ALL make mistakes—yes, even you. Be HUMBLE. Commit to do better and then actually DO better.
3. Excessive Individualism: Of course we all need time to ourselves...I can hear some of you getting ready to explain how you need your nights out alone or that hour long bubble bath. Calm down Karen--I'm talking about “excessive” individualism! Balance is key!
Nothing good comes from anything we do excessively.
Vulnerability
Let’s not be afraid to fully commit to our spouse. Can it be scary to be so vulnerable? Yes! Would you rather be vulnerable and/or committed to someone else? I hope the answer is “No!” Hafen says many fear that the bonds of marriage doom us to a life of servitude, but the bonds of marriage are “ties that bind,” and link us to a commitment that is bigger than ourselves. Loving and committing to the right person is not bondage—it’s a blessing.
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